Thoughts and muses

nopes, nothing extraordinary that prompted this entry. I know this blog has long been abandoned. So much has happened since the last entry. Give it a few months and it would be a year since i last blogged.

Thinking back, i used to keep a diary when i was younger. It was merely because life was changing, a lot of new things were happening and i felt it all to be worth remembering. Discovering friends, passions; a world other than playgrounds and shouts. Rereading those entries, i could see the difference in the me then and the me now. Years later, i stopped the habit of jotting down the happenings of everyday life. It would be more appropriate to say that the habit gradually stopped. Because nothing seemed to be worth jotting down anymore?

What happens when, as you grow older, the life you envisioned for yourself seems to drift further and further away? What happens when dreams of your own are overlapped by the perceptions of other people? What happens when you strive ahead dismissing opinions of others and what happens when you spend too much time, too much focus on what others think?

Ah..the non stop random musings of an erratic woman.

i miss my beeches goddammit

i hate hunger, because it makes me eat and that makes me fat.

but i also love hunger, because its a reason to eat and try nice good food.

i think i just did the female population a good deed, cos this is prolly what 90% of them thinks.

at this hour, i can onli think in simple sentences.

subang is crazy. first, there are the snatch thefts that are anything but rare occurences. AND NOW THERE ARE PERVERTS TO ADD TO IT. not the first time either!

first time was a few years ago. happened in the wee hours while my fren was studying. second was two weeks ago, when my roomie was downstairs watching drama. And about 40 minutes ago, this chinese guy with a gleeful face stood at the gate and asked for someone. then i saw the hand. he was flicking his ‘thing’ in between the grills of the gate. the advice from forwarded mails flashed through my mind, and i wanted to say "eee, why so small one". but then i thought better than to waste my time chitchatting with some crazy old pervert who might feel happy that someone actually cared about the size of his dick. so i yelled for my housemates, ngan and cheemeng, who on hearing of the crazy old pervert, came down.

he wasn’t really timid. he didn’t run when i yelled for my housemates. he only ran when i screamed "THERE’S AN OLD PERVERT DOWN HERE SHOWING HIS &#*@($^#($". they went out and searched for him, but he was gone. the one my roommate saw was an old chinese guy too. wonder if they’re actually the same guy.

i was thinking about how i should have headed to the kitchen, grab hold of a knife adn throwing it at his ‘exhibition’. but then i remember the knives we have are blunt, and he might wait outside my house and attack me the first chance he gets. that made me forget about doing anything to him.grrrrrrrrrrr…all this sucks. is it malaysia, or what? crime rates so high, so many perverts lagi, memang SIAO.

i am so important. i’ve got two people in two countries debating over the internet at close to midnite whether or not i should perm my hair. hahaha of course, they were just trying to prove who’s the stronger in persuasion skills  —_____—

being such a fair judge, i see both their points. being somewhat an undecisive judge with a small pocket, i decided to be kind to all (including my pocket) and not perm.

being such a fickle minded person, i just changed my mind and will perm this weekend.

as a testament to my fickle-mindedness, i just changed my mind again.

This is a tribute to my "sifu" HARIS. U are the cause of all this crap.

29th May 2007

     It was very much looked forward to, the eve of my 21st birthday. I had bought a nice little dress specially to serve the occasion weeks in advance. I returned home after class and prepared for the night that should have included a nice quiet dinner at a reasonably posh place. Two hours later, i was ready in heels, handbag and of course, my dress.

     A miss call, and i breezed out of the house with a smile on my face. The smile faltered when i knew the table was not booked and was still waiting for confirmation. We were heading nowhere in particular, weaving through the roads. A buzz, and he said the table was booked. On the way to the destination, i was blind folded. I was reassured that i would completely love the place. So i sat, not without fuss (all in anticipation and excitement of course).

    Smart girl that i am, i knew we were heading back to my place (actually i cheated). So dearest micky had no choice but to tell me that we were actually going back to subang, to get a ‘reservation card’ from a friend. Later on, he revealed the friend to be patrick. Little did i know that i was gonna drive straight into a surprise party! Instead of a reservation card and patrick, i saw friends seated, tables with food, and a bbq already smoking. i was dumbfounded. i had no idea watsoever that this was gonna happen!! hahahaha took me a while to get to my senses and out of the car, to be laughed at by everyone. Pat hai even sang me a song "can’t believe that i’m a fool agaiN~"…..indeed.

     I changed out of my dress into house clothes, half fuming, half laughing. The first hour mainly included everyone marvelling at how i did not detect anything at all. I might not have been very observant, but that made the surprise a success, no?? There was laughter, gossip, food and a niceeee cake. Portions of the cake ended up smeared on my face, up my nose, inside my ear, and on my hair. That’s when flying cake came into the picture, cos i sent some flying in the direction of the ‘cake smearer’. I think it hit right on target, although Christopher was difficult to see in the dark

    The point of this post is…i realli realli, sincerely wanna thank every single person who was involved in this surprise birthday bash, especially the ‘mastermind’ and the ‘coordinators’ . hahaha i had hell of a good time! it meant so much to me, the party, the flood of birthday wishes (msn, friendster, phone msgs), the calls from overseas (ie ah hai, jx, khyi vie and chuanoooo), the card, the presents, the blogs dedicated to me, the time and trouble necessary! thanks everyone! it sure as hell was an unforgettable 21, u guys made getting older worth it! =D

Tomorrow will be a better day.

mmm……today started on a serious note, with a visit to bursa malaysia early in the morning.. haha but less than an hour in bursa malaysia and we’re off for nice pasta and shopping! today was fantastic, after being cooped up at home for so long, facing the walls and books endlessly..the garish colours of sungai wang was actually a nice change =D but le…i bought a skirt that was nice in the fitting room, but ‘uh oh’ at home, becasue i think the lady gave me a wrong size and it was faulty too bleh…

i finally got to see the biggest pasar malam in malaysia! sakai sakai i know..but it was fun hehe the food mmm yum yum…i just walked and ate, walked and ate..the nite ended on a stinky note though, because i actually gave ‘chao tau fu’ a try!! oh man, the moment i opened the car doors the stench of it came wafting up my nose haha but the queue was SO long… what i heard wasn’t wrong man, it realli did feel like i had some drain residue in my mouth, but the taste didn’t stay, it went off after a bit and then it was just tauhu haha but i almost did spit the tauhu out..a nice attempt tho! at least it’s something different from the normal routine =D

ohhhhh myy godddd i’m so full, look like i’m 3 months pregnant

been slaving away in front of the computer for the past dunno how long, can’t keep track of time even..there’s always not enough time, it’s always when ur running out of time when u realize there’s still a lot to cover..so i decided it’s time for a break, because i’m starting to feel my eyes are becoming crossed and bloodshot

on another note…how do u strike a balance between confidence and modesty? how do u feel good about urself from within and learn to become indifferent to comments? how do u feel like ur not just another one in the throng of ppl, stuck in traffic jams, waiting for the weekend just so it’ll be over again? i begin to wonder, if anyone, ANYONE at all, can realli say honestly, that they dun give a f*ck to what others say, despite their display of righteousness and haughtiness…

today (hmm okay, i’ll admit it, some time ago), my ’status’ was changed, but i could not find the energy to resume it to what it was years ago. The comments come, wave after wave, externally and internally, but maybe, just maybe, the reason i couldn’t be bothered to revert the ’status’ is because i want to see who would care, who would look beyond the surface? who would go from a cheery "hi" to "i can’t see u walking past", from "ooh, i like chatting with u" to "wat a waste of time"?

"don’t just see things on the surface", ( YAP, 2007). take it, or leave it.

i’m happy today. because i have time to read up a couple of pages from reader’s digest and chuckle to myself in the library haha =D amazing what a few moments of leisure without the shadow of pressing issues can do to ur mood

and hor..this might sound so sakai, but it realli was my first time witnessing the process of blood donation from beginning to end..the moment when needle pierces flesh wasn’t as scary as i’d imagine. but then again, it could be because it wasn’t my flesh it was poking into haha